Zambia – (Almost) Killer Golf

 October 15, 19-20

 

Hello everyone!

 

If you stick around in a place long enough, you start returning to old haunts just as often as discovering new places. Being in my sixth year in Malawi, I have now had the opportunity to visit many places within the country and beyond. One of my favourite spots is next door, in Zambia.

Chipata Golf Club. It looks a lot nicer in
this picture than it did in the park...

Putting on sand: strange

 

The main purpose of the trip was to visit South Luangwa National Park (SLNP), which I visited in April 2017. The world is a bit different now, with cross-border travel becoming a bit more challenging. The other blogs will focus on SLNP, with this one focusing on the travel. This may bring back funny memories to those of you who have previously travelled in developing countries.

 

Keep your eye out for animal-based blogs soon!

Let’s start in Malawi. To cross into Zambia, you need a PCR test. The only place to now get the test is at Lilongwe’s central hospital: KCH. The surrounding area gets choked with traffic at rush hour, which would be the only time I could go. A few people from school were travelling abroad and needed these tests. It was arranged that a doctor would come from KCH to the school to do our tests on Wednesday at 2pm. I had parent meetings that day. Knowing that these things rarely start on time, I blocked off 45 minutes for the test. Next parent meeting: 2:45pm.

I was one of those 633 new tests. Eventually.

 

The nurse tells us at 2pm that the doctor is on his way. At 2:30pm he is still on his way. He claims traffic but Hannah was able to drive a further distance in a much smaller amount of time…between 2pm and 2:30pm. He arrives at 2:46pm. Luckily he is persuaded to wait until I’m back so the test can be done. We fill in paperwork, get the test done, he heads off. Test certificates come back, get printed, all sorted ready for crossing the border on Saturday morning.

Signed, sealed, delivered

 Aah, the border. Crossing from Malawi to Zambia…took time, shall we say. It would have been quicker if the officers stamping papers for the car had been stamping papers, rather than going AWOL for a while. It is a mess, which hopefully will be made easier when the new building opens soon.

There are many trucks at the border, often blocking the path through

Maybe the border officer was taking
advantage of Zambian immigration's gifts...

We had taken PCR tests to enter Zambia, which were checked. We decided to overnight in the town of Chipata on the way back to ensure we could get our PCR tests for Malawi. Arriving at the international hotel (a Marriott), we asked them about it. No idea. Eventually the manager called a man who came claiming to be a doctor. He would come in about 20 minutes. 1500 Kwacha (almost $90US) per test. Just enough time to get money from an ATM and get back.

Chipata has de facto bike and pedestrian lanes,
something sorely lacking in Lilongwe

 

An hour and multiple ATMs later, we still don’t have money. This is because:
- Our Malawian bank cards, which we were told work abroad, weren’t being accepted (except from one occasion at the beginning of the trip, strangely);
- The machines would stop working for ‘maintenance’ just before we got to the front of the line;
- They sometimes just wouldn’t work. With no logical reason.

Both ATMs at this bank flashed this up for
the lady before us in the line

 

We got there in the end and returned almost ninety minutes later. The doctor hasn’t arrived. We decide to order some food. The doctor immediately arrives. He tells us the test 500 kwacha (not 1500), about $30US, for a PCR test, done in your own hotel room. The results were delivered to the hotel later that day. Were they checked by any border people at any point? Of course not.

It has better value than the Malawian kwacha, at least...

 Whilst waiting for these tests to maybe come back, three of us decided to play golf at the local course. The hotel’s website said it had ‘golf’, after all. We asked them about it. No idea. We had found the ‘clubhouse’ earlier during our ATM adventure. The fact that the car park was primarily a car and bike wash says a lot about the club’s status…

Apparently it started life in 1902

That last statement - the misspelt bit - is most probably not true

Calling it a course is also a stretch. It’s a public park, in which people drink and sleep, or through which people commute. The park itself is bisected by a road. Two of the holes of the Chipata Golf Club course involve you hitting over the traffic on this road. Aim high!

The tee box is on the left. The fairway is on the right...

The greens are 'browns'. For you to put, they rake a runway.
It reminded me of playing mini golf.

Not being the best golfer, I almost hit a family with a wayward drive. Another friend’s ball bounced and brushed a group of teenagers who seemed oblivious to the idea that a golf ball might actually hit them. Why would they know? There were no signs and it didn’t look like anyone had played golf here in a while. It didn’t look like anyone had cleaned the park in a while, either…

Aim...carefully...

Without caddies, we'd have had no idea where to hit

Playing this golf course seemed to be the equivalent of getting to somewhere like Central Park and teeing off. It was bonkers and a bit unnerving, and certainly doesn’t need repeating. Hopefully, as vaccination certificates get recognised, we won’t have to do the PCR dance next time as well. Bureaucracy at its finest. Luckily the other part of the trip was incredible and certainly worth repeating…

Car on the fairway

What else to do whilst waiting for a doctor?

Reflecting on one of the stranger
rounds of golf we'll ever play

 Love you all,

 

Matt